past the point of no return

This class was the missing puzzle piece in my education. Generally speaking, I feel more aware. Aware of various techniques, styles, ways of thinking, everything concerning experimental films. I wouldn't say that after this class that I'll only make experimental films, but I'm looking forward to taking what I've learned and creating a fusion, a mish-mash of styles that is something unique and new, and me.

I also feel more open-minded, more accepting, to the high-cannon or any experimental films. I love that I'm armed with the question, "What was the filmmaker exploring?" rather than, "What does it mean?" Because who the fuck cares what it means, why does that matter? The presence of an idea or theme is more important than being able to relay a complete meaning. My ability to process films on a larger scale rather than understanding a simple translucent meaning is the lesson I will always cherish.

It's also scary this knowledge, because I don't think I can revert to my old ideals of filmmaking now. Before I thought after I graduated I'd just work on crews, finding my niche there, making feature films, blah blah blah. Now I'm aware that there are so many other possibilities. I don't need to follow that path, I don't want to anymore. I'm a little nervous now though because the possibilities are insanely endless. Where to go next, what to do next, where will I get my money to fund my next project, what proverbial track will my life take?

I can make films for and by myself and this is OK. I just need to find a side job, swell.

Festivals, Schmestivals

I just started seriously looking at festivals to submit my self-portrait in, and it is intense work. Honestly I don't have an emotional fear of rejection, it more a monetary fear of rejection. I feel that submitting without doing the proper research into festivals is like flushing 30 bucks down the toilet. Such a waste. So now I'm paranoid that I'm going to waste a bunch of money. If my film is accepted to two out of five festivals, which apparently is a good ratio, then I've basically just flushed $90 (assuming the festivals have about a $30 fee). I'm broke and 90 bucks means a lot of things to me.

I finally got around to making an email address specifically for my films and a withoutabox account. Those two actions were the catalyst to my long festival research fiasco that was my Sunday. I'm glad that our class already did a lot of research for me, that has been big help.

I suppose I'll just have to bite the bullet on this one, and spend the money. My festival savings jar only has single bills in it, hopefully they will have 20 dollar babies sometime soon.